The $260 Shoe

I spent $260 on a pair of shoes last week. Should I be ashamed?

Granted, they aren’t Guccis or John Varvatos or some other buttery-leather confection that a pretty boy would don to tour Milan. They’re Koflachs, a brand that sounds more like a sneeze than a shoe.  Austrians made them, bearded men in steel-rimmed glasses who smell, not of aftershave, but zinc oxide and sweaty polyester. The color is traffic-crew orange.

To call the Koflach Degre a “shoe” is like calling a Humvee a “car.” Waterproof and sheathed in plastic, they have Vibram soles like truck treads. Below the sole I will strap inch-long steel spikes, called crampons, for climbing ice high on Mt. Aconcagua. Snow and cold will not bother my feet; my Koflachs will muscle them off like bouncers.

The inner boot can be removed so I can stroll around camp in comfort. Mmmm, soft and fluffy.

Even so, I can’t quite countenance spending the equivalent of 26 movie tickets, or nine tanks of gas, on a dumb pair of shoes, which in my mind still ought to cost about $33 at Payless.

You women are probably shrugging because $260 is less than you paid for the pair of beaded flip-flops you wore once last summer. But guys, you ought to know my shame about expensive footwear. If not, I’ll expect to see you sashaying around Milan next season.