(guest entry by Anjali Kumar, written the eve of Ferris’ departure)
He’s insane and I can’t talk him out of it! I even hid his passport, but he found it. Now he’s leaving and I can’t stop him.
In times of great need, well-educated, self-respecting, wisdom-seeking citizens of the 21st century are left with only one option:
Dear Ninja: My crazy boyfriend insists on leaving me for this scary mountain. What should I do?
Ninja: Yes, Yes. Our brothers – the steep, slippery mountains – like ninjas, they know how to sneak up on their victims and attack!
Dear Ninja: Ummm… Ninja-san, you’re not helping.
Ninja: Ah, yes. Well, ninjas must be flexible. Let me contort to see the other side. Conquering a dangerous opponent… Your boyfriend has great ninja-like qualities!
Dear Ninja: Still not helping!
Ninja: Oh, yes, of course. You need to get into the mind of a ninja. At times of loss, we stoic ninjas carry no personal attachments. Simply find what’s missing and REPLACE it.
So I took the ninja’s advice and arranged for my mom to visit me from Seattle to provide
my daily rations of love and support. But what could ever substitute for the 6’2” warm cuddliness?
As Ferris was packing last night, I found the perfect companion. In fact, it even hugs back!!
He protested – some nonsense about -40˚F, 800+ Eastern European goose down, 7-chamber sculpted hood, with glow-in-the-dark zippers – but as far as I’m concerned, my featherweight boyfriend-substitute is staying with me, even if I have to nunchuck-ninja-fight him for it!
HAI-HOOO-WHAAAH!!
Leave a Reply